I tend to be the kind of person that sets expectations too high for everything.

Not that having high expectations are a bad thing necessarily, but sometimes it just leads us to failure.

I can say that from experience.

About a year ago, I started a blog. Needless to say, my expectations were way too high. I figured I could get a couple hundred readers within the first month or so. HA. I was lucky to get 10.

Having 10 readers isn’t a bad thing. If your passion is writing, then you most likely don’t care how many readers you have. You just want to write.

Sometimes I think we fail because of our expectations.

Think of it this way…

If you don’t have any expectations, you will always succeed. Always.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to set goals, or have some expectations. But we need to start being realistic. If you’re starting a new blog, a reasonable goal (or expectation) would be to post 3 days a week. That would be a great expectation, because it relies on ourselves. Not our readers. Or friends. Parents. Spouses. Kids.

From now on…

I’m dropping my expectations.

Such a simple thought, really.

I’ve been to churches where they preach, “You’re going to hell! Repent!”

Funny thing is, the most important aspect to the Gospel is not even preached in most churches. Grace.

Because I don’t know about you, but grace is all I need.

Grace wins. Every time.

That’s where I’ve found myself lately. The edge.

I think there’s a breaking point in everyone’s lives where we decide we need to rely solely on God.

I struggle with wanting things that I can’t have.

I want that new smartphone.

I want that awesome computer.

I want all that cool Ikea furniture. (Yes.)

The funny thing is, it just “started” with items. Then it become more personal. And more relational.

Being the creative person I am, I naturally strive to be better and best.

I want them to be more like me.

I want The Church to cater to me.

I want this service to run exactly as  I planned.

I want everything to work the way I want it to.

I remember sitting at my desk working on a motion background (which involved a picture of Jesus, go figure) and I was getting somewhat angry. Why? First of all, my video card sucks. (Not complaining, stating a fact.) When you’re a graphic/motion designer like I am, that tends to be an issue. When I render loops, my computer has shut down many times just because it can’t handle it anymore. So naturally I was in a bad mood.

Then I got angry.

“UGH! I just wish people would actually buy my content so I could maybe afford a new video card, and more RAM, and a better processor! Heck, why can’t I just go out and buy a MacBook Pro? That would solve a lot, but no, I’m broke.”

Yikes.

Then I heard God.

It’s always amazing when you have one of those moments where you’re paying no attention to God, and yet He speaks to you in such a clear way that you actually understand.

“Jordan …”

FYI – you always know God is speaking to you when He calls you by name…

” …since when has this been about you?“

I have to admit, I wasn’t exactly overjoyed with God in that moment.

But sometimes He has to break us.

Sometimes he has to take us to the edge, where we are completely relying on His power and strength, and He says, “It’s just you and me now.”

Those words keep resonating throughout my mind. “It’s just you and me now.”

The edge is scary. The edge is not something the world praises. But the edge is the safest place we’ll ever be.

I realized something profound today, if you could call it that.

As Christians, many times our faith is ironic. Life is a beautiful field of flowers skipping merrily with our vending machine God. It’s like we pull a trigger and see what we get. We’re happy with our low, materialistic lifestyle.

God is constantly in pursuit. Of me. Of you. All of us. And yet the only times we pursue God is when we want God to be our cosmic vending machine.

The truth?

There is nothing about you and I that would logically make sense for God to pursue us. Nothing. And yet, He does.

That’s that irony.

A beautiful irony.