I’ve spent the majority of my life “doing things” for God—volunteering at a church, internships at a church, working at a church, and so on. These are all great, wonderful things and amazing experiences, and I absolutely love my current job and the people I get to do ministry with.
However, somewhere along the way, I’ve managed to work for God without really spending much time with Him. I’ve taken marching orders from Him, like a good Christian soldier on mission to save the world, but I haven’t allowed myself the space to just be still and be loved by Him.
“Many of us who have found ourselves to be useful in Christian service have found ourselves unable, if we're honest, to connect with God any other way. We do for Him, instead of being with Him. We become soldiers, instead of brothers and sisters and daughters and sons.” — Shauna Niequist
I’ll call it what it is: I’ve allowed doing work for God to be more important than God doing work in me. But no more of that. That’s simply unhealthy, and quite frankly, unholy.
When you were a kid, you probably had some chores. You may or may not have gotten paid to do them, but they were your responsibility nonetheless. You didn’t have chores because you were an employee—you had responsibilities because you were a part of a family. So I’m turning in my employee badge. I’m going home. Home to Him, home to the family He invites me to be a part of. And yes, that comes with some responsibility, but it’s the responsibility I have as His child, not as His soldier.
I’m learning that for God to do great, big, amazing things through you He first has to do great, big, amazing things in you. So I’m prioritizing my spiritual health over my accomplishments. I’ve going to prioritize my relationships—with my wife, with my church family, with my co-workers—over pretending to have my life all together. I’m going to start saying “no” to things that I’ve only said “yes” to in the past because they’ve looked good for outside appearances.
It’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to be quick. But slowly, over time, I’m going to make my way back to living like His son and not His solider. I’m going to live more like His child, who He bought and already paid a high price for, and not a worker acting like I need to earn my way to salvation.